My daughter is a natural gift giver. She loves to collect little trinkets from around the house including rocks, play money, flowers from the yard (often weeds) or some of her dress up jewelry and wrap it up in paper and tape. A lot of tape. I always exclaim with an “ooh” and “ahh”, of course. But now that she has some of her little friends over, she is faced with a problem. Her friends aren’t nearly as appreciative as her Mom! She came to me teary-eyed the other day because her little friend that was over “never liked the pictures she colored for her.” Of course it was heartbreaking, as I knew that she colored these pictures with her heart and not just her crayons. So what could I do? I used it as a teaching opportunity. I explained that this was why we always, always showed gratitude when someone gave us something, no matter what it was.
“How did that make you feel when Jenny did not like your picture?” I asked her. “Sad,” my daughter responded. And you don’t want to make other people feel that way, do you? “No!” she said. “That is why we always say thank you and really mean it.” I told her. I have done this for each of my other children as well and they all are thankful for what they are given. Or at the least, they sure do know how to respond to a less than optimal gift! It’s natural for younger kids to not always show gratitude as well, so don’t be too hard if you’re kid is the one not being as thankful as you would like. A colored picture or old toy from a friend’s room cannot compare with the newest video, Barbie or X-box game and some younger kids don’t yet get the idea of giving being from the heart, not necessarily the store. Kids can however, begin to appreciate and say thank you the minute they speak…we taught our kids the ASL (American Sign Language) words for please and thank you before they could even speak! Right around 3-4 is the time to explain to kids that others take time and emotion to make gifts like a coloring page or precious item from their room. I finally had to stop my daughter from giving her toys out to every kid who passed our threshold. I lost many an important piece to a toy or game when the visiting kid had the toy in hand and was walking to the car. I didn’t have the heart to stop them…and I knew it was from my daughter’s heart. That was worth more than anything.
Here are five tips to start teaching your kids to be thankful:
- Please and thank you. Seems simple but many parents still do not teach this…and it shows. I once had a friend who really believed that she did not have to teach her kids please and thank you when they were young because they did not really know what it meant. As these children aged, they remained aloof when given anything. I believe that if you teach kids at a young age to say thank you, then eventually that will translate into them being thankful. It will transition to a heartfelt response as they age, so go ahead and train them young.
- Teach a child to show thanks with their words AND their face when opening a gift.Just saying a quick thanks and moving on is just as bad as not saying thank you at all. Teach kids to really look at the item and then while making eye contact with the giver to say thank you with a big smile on their face. Are you teaching them to be deceptive if they don’t actually like the gift? No, you are teaching them to be polite. Remind them that they are called to show thanks whether they like the gift or not. Remember, it’s the thought (which really means the physical gesture!) that counts.
- Teach them the value of time. Spending time is more valuable and more costly than spending money. Just ask your child if he would rather have you play outside with him for an hour or have a dollar. They will choose you every time even though it is much easier for you just to give them the dollar! See? Time is extremely valuable! Colored pictures are gifts from the heart that cost someone TIME. Keep training them in this and they will forever be grateful for homemade gifts whether it’s a friend’s homemade birthday card or Aunt Zelda’s knitted sweater. When they know the value of time, they will think, “someone cared enough to spend their time on me.”
- Don’t give them the world. Not letting them have a toy or treat each time you go out will QUICKLY get them to appreciate when they do get one. This is so easy to do yet parents (me included) often let them have a little something most every time. Try once every ten times and you will see a big difference.
- Make them value what they have. If they do not care for what they have been given, you can be sure they don’t appreciate it. Toys and clothes that are thrown down are signs of a less than thankful kid that is sure to become an entitled young adult. Teach them that caring for their toys, clothes and rooms means that they are thankful to have them! Take toys away for no less than a month if they don’t care properly for them.
- Take them to a place where giving is appreciated. If you have never taken your child to a retirement home with baked goods and homemade cards, you are missing out. You will never see more thankful a crowd than our elderly. Their faces light up and plenty of hugs go around when you visit. They can be some of the loneliest people around. Point out to your children (before you go in) to watch their faces light up, because it shows their gratitude. It makes a huge impact on children to see it first hand over such a small thing. Let them know that they are not just appreciating the gifts you are bringing them, but the time it took to keep them company.
Teaching a child any noble character trait takes time. And we’ve established that time is costly, yes? Well, what better way is there than to spend your time teaching your children to be thankful. There’s nothing more important than raising an appreciative child. Do it and the rest of the world will thank you for it!
